


i don't want your body (with somebody else)

by showhyung



Category: Produce 101 (TV), Wanna One (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Ambiguous Relationships, Casual Sex, Friends With Benefits, Light Angst, M/M, Slow Burn, daniel is vry soft, i need a job, jisung has commitment issues, switch!nielsung, that's it that's the fic, why is this so long
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-24
Updated: 2017-07-24
Packaged: 2018-12-05 11:15:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 18,626
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11576949
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/showhyung/pseuds/showhyung
Summary: Jisung, usually, after past experience, prefers to keep his friendships and his sex escapades pretty separate. There are exceptions, but his general rule is that if someone is a good friend of his, he shouldn't fuck them.Daniel is definitely his friend. One of the closest he has, actually. But he can't bring himself not to kiss him, not to fuck him.





	i don't want your body (with somebody else)

**Author's Note:**

> this is what nielsung deserves

It’s seven o’clock in the morning when Jisung peers quickly at the bedside clock. With a pounding headache that he has, and the pain shooting up from his lower back, he knows it’s going to be impossible to make it to his morning class. It doesn’t help that he doesn’t want to fucking move because the bed is too damn comfortable, and it doesn’t help that he feels _this_ comfortable and it’s not even his own bed. Jisung feels the bed dip slightly as the body beside him moves to shift into a new position.

_Daniel._

Jisung quickly turns his gaze from the clock to the man beside him, who is seemingly snuggling up to his arm, still asleep. Suddenly, Jisung’s head is spinning madly, and his stomach is curling and he needs to throw up. It happened again. _This_ happened again. It’s a scenario that he is familiar with, but just because he and Daniel have fucked a little too many times before this one, that doesn’t mean that it’s just okay. Jisung knows he needs to talk about it with Daniel soon, but the feeling of Daniel’s soft breathing fanning on the side of his arm was calming that he forgot that this was something that they should be addressing. Jisung decides that if Daniel isn’t saying anything about their situation, then they’re okay. They _are_ okay.

Jisung quickly collects his clothes that are strayed on the floor. As he was pulling his pants to his hips, he hears Daniel mumbling something in his wake. “It’s still early, hyung. For God’s sake,” Daniel says against his pillow and then grabbing it to throw in Jisung’s direction.

“Stop staring at my back, Niel. You fucking creep,” Jisung’s eyebrows are furrowed in fake annoyance, bending down to pick the pillow up and aiming it directly at Daniel’s face. Daniel could only laugh in response because despite Jisung hating being watched, he knows he loves the attention that Daniel gives him. “And it’s not early, I have classes to catch. Unlike you, I actually care about graduating on time.” Daniel’s eyes are closed again, clearly ignoring Jisung’s diss. “You’ll be late anyway, hyung. Why don’t you just stay?”

 

Jisung tenses a little at the word, and he pretends to be busy collecting all his things that are thrown haphazardly on the floor. He hopes Daniel wasn’t serious because there is no way that Jisung was serious about whatever this is. Yeah, sex with Daniel was always good, great actually, but Jisung isn’t the relationship type of guy anyway. Jisung sees Daniel sitting up from his peripheral vision, and sees him hastily put on boxers before walking up behind him.

“You know what,” Daniel starts. “Let’s take a shower together, hyung.” Jisung glares at the younger and looks up at him with a quirked eyebrow.

“I’m not in the mood for shower sex, Niel.” Jisung says, a lighthearted tone in his voice.

“Who said anything about sex? God, hyung is that all you think about?” Daniel wraps his arms around Jisung from behind, and Jisung feels like he’s suffocating. Not because of Daniel’s hold but of something else. Something. This something that they don’t name. Because when they start to put a name to it, that something becomes real, and Jisung can’t fucking risk that.

“I really need to go, kid.” Jisung breaks himself free from Daniel’s arms and pecks at his lips. JIsung isn’t sure if that was okay, if it was too intimate. If it crossed the line of their unwritten rule, but if they fucked a little over too many times, then a peck wouldn’t be anything bad. Daniel chases the kiss slightly as Jisung broke it, and Jisung taps on his chest to signal that he’s going to go.

“Stop calling me ‘kid’, if you only remember how much you-”

“Okay, Daniel. I _get_ it.” Jisung laughs and kisses his cheeks. It means nothing, anyway.

“Hyung, your shirt is dirty, Let me just-” Daniel says, quickly pulling away from Jisung’s hold and rummaging through a pile of clothes thrown on a chair. Jisung bites the insides of his cheeks.

“It’s fine, you don’t have t-” Jisung is cut off by Daniel handing his a more or less clean shirt, it’s a probably twice Jisung’s size and it’s going to look all draped on him but then he doesn’t have many options, and this is his next best bet to look at least acceptable in his class. Jisung crosses his arms and holds the hem of his shirt, and he can feel Daniel’s eyes on him. He quickly puts the shirt on, and he didn’t miss the way Daniel smiled at him. The shirt is _too_ big and he probably looks like an idiot right now.

“My clothes look really cute on you, hyung.” Daniel teases, amused.

“ _Every_ clothes look cute on me, try to flirt harder next time.” Jisung giggles, passing by Daniel and heading straight to the door.

 

Jisung holds onto the straps of his bag and exits Daniel’s room. If Daniel was just another stranger, then Jisung wouldn’t feel so bad and his headache wouldn’t throb this much.

Jisung fishes his phone immediately after it vibrated in his jeans pocket. It was a message from Daniel.

**_From: Nyel-ah_ **

**_[7:56 a.m.] Hyung we are good right? We r okay?_ **

Jisung exhales deeply before quickly typing out a reply.

**_To: Nyel-ah_ **

**_[7:57 a.m.]  Of course_ **

 

//

Jisung liked the idea when he was a kid.

The idea of love, having a significant other, seeing the same face every morning. He liked the idea of someone always being there to hold his hand and the idea of someone knowing the way he liked his coffee, and the idea of having someone when he was old, when he was sick, when he was anxious, when he couldn’t sleep.

And then he grew up.

//

It’s not as if Jisung hates the idea.

He liked it once, was excited for it even. If he liked it once then he’s sure he’ll like it again. But the thing is that he liked it when he was a kid and every expectation of romance, of being in love that he knew was shown on TV screens. Love to him was every animated film that he had seen growing up, where there is a girl, a prince, and a bad guy. It was every boring film that he had to sit through with his mom and sister, where the couple would argue and it’s supposed to be seen as fond. It showed the rush and how easy it was to have someone, be with someone, and grow old with someone, and Jisung liked that a lot. He thought that it was something that he definitely wanted, and he didn’t even know what sex was back then.

He knows he will like it too when he’s older, when he’s ready to settle down. When he actually wants to wake up to the same face every morning, scrambling out of bed when the alarm rings and someone helping him to make breakfast, helping each other get ready, checking the watch and making sure they both make it to work on time, leaving the apartment together, let alone a kiss on the lips, or a hug. When he wants to settle into the domesticity and all of those picture perfect bullshit. Sure, it sounded nice.

But Jisung is still young and attractive and he doesn’t want to settle. Not now, not when he can go out late into the night and have some strangers kissing down his neck, leaving marks for him to see in the morning. Not when there are so many strangers that he wants to learn how to kiss, how to make them feel good. There’s so much to lose.

His friends always say that he’s a cynic.

Mostly Yongguk. Ever since he met Kenta, he’s been all over that commitment bullshit, eating it up. Yongguk just came in one day, when they’re all busy flicking through their notes for some exam in a few days, trying to cram as many information inside their heads as possible, and Yongguk just _had_ to say it.

“I’m seeing someone, and it’s...pretty serious.”

And of course, _no one_ had the energy to study after _that_. Sungwoon wanted to know everything and Jaehwan was all over asking how hot they were and Jisung kind of rolled his eyes in the corner and hopes that he would go unnoticed. No one saw, but had they, they would’ve said the same thing, so it’s not like it matters much.

They've started going on about how Jisung has some kind of emotional constipation. Minhyun likes to get specifically psycho-analysis on his ass, and it’s annoying as fuck and no one seems to grasp the concept of casual sex.

“Hell yeah, hyung.” Jaehwan will say. Jaehwan also high-fives him, but Jisung knows that Jaehwan secretly _loves_ everything that has to do with being a hopeless romantic, especially ever since Jaehwan just won’t shut up about this new guy Sewoon is one of his philosophy class, though he’d never admit it. It’s just not Jisung’s thing.

Jisung doesn’t get it. And Jisung doesn’t want to get it. Not now. Maybe when he’s older and he wants to hold the same person every night, when he only wants to memorize how one person kisses, when he only wants to hear one voice whispering in his ears.

Jisung doesn’t do relationships, and he certainly doesn’t do boyfriends.

But not yet, not now.

 

//

Jisung is in a rush. He’s already late for class and expecting Professor Seokhoon to order his execution or something. The fresh burn of too-hot coffee is still burning in the back of his throat and he’s barely looking where he’s going. Jisung is rarely late. He likes to be on time for things, it puts him in control. He’s always prepared, always got it together, that’s the way he likes it to be and the way, nine out of ten times, that is. The rare one time where he isn’t is probably now, where smells like sex, regret, and confusion and is dressed in Daniel’s clothes.

Jisung goes to class.

It doesn’t seem like the right time to go to class. Like, he knows he should’ve stayed and actually talked to Daniel. He isn’t just some guy, he is his one of his close friends and he probably deserves an explanation or an apology from Jisung. That morning, Jisung had felt a connection with Daniel, sure, a slight one. A wanting to talk to him a little more, but that’s not something. They’ve always been good friends, and Jisung is determined to push anything that he is feeling away with sheer will power and make sure to believe that they are just fooling around.

The class is intense and fast-moving as ever and it manages to take his mind off of it for a while, even if Professor Seokhoon does give him the kind of look that implies he’s going to be missing several limbs in the morning when he stumbles late in his lecture. It’s normalcy, though. The class is the same as it was pre-drunk making out and giving Daniel a head, pre-sleeping with Daniel because he was too tired to be the first one to leave,  and it’s the same now. He pushes Daniel out of his mind and makes sure to focus on answering more questions than Minhyun.

It kind of works. Sort of, almost, nearly.

After class, Jaehwan catches up to Jisung.

“Why were you late?” he asks. “You’re like, never late. Yongguk, vouch for me here, Jisung’s never late.”

“Some shit happened,” Jisung shrugs. “You know. Daniel and all that.”

Minhyun’s eyes pretty much big out of his head. It’d be almost comical, if Jisung wasn’t in the middle of some kind of subtle internal breakdown because he’s not ready for another psycho-analysis session about this. He’s not ready to have this conversation. Jisung doesn’t want it, doesn’t want to settle. He likes it casual, he likes -

“What?” he sputters “Jaehwan, you owe me $25 and a meal for a week, I told you so.”

“What the fuck did you guys bet on this time?” Jisung is exhausted.

“Man, that’s hilarious,” Jaehwan says, obnoxious as ever. “And you’re even wearing Daniel’s clothes? So is he your boyfriend now?”

“What? You guys--no! He’s not my boyfriend! We’re-He’s my best friend you fucking idiots. We just made out and did stupid things drunk. He woke up and he probably doesn’t remember anyway, so I left.”

“I bet you made some excuse about leaving your oven on and bolted.” Jaehwan suggested.

“You didn’t, right?” Yongguk asks him. “You’re not that much of an ass.”

“I didn’t,” Jisung promises. “I’m not that much of an ass.”

“So what, are you guys like, dating now? Exclusively fucking?” Minhyun snickers, leaning towards Jaehwan to mutter, “They really think we don’t know they’ve been fucking, huh?”

“He’s not my-whatever. We’re friends and we hang out and we bang sometimes. it’s not a big deal.” Jisung protests.

“What are you gonna do?” Minhyun asks. “This is Daniel, Jisung, you can’t just - pretend he doesn’t exist.”

“I can try. He has my number, I have his. I’ll call him when I wanna talk. He’s not my boyfriend.” Jisung doesn’t know why he said the last part.

“Yeah,” Minhyun snorts. “Keep telling yourself that, hyung.”

It doesn’t really matter, though. It’s not like they’re together or anything.

//

If you ask Jisung if he’s out in a bar looking for a stranger to latch on to just to prove that he doesn’t really feel anything about Daniel, then he would probably lie. Jisung would say he’s always done this, and that Daniel doesn’t have anything to do with it. But he knows. He knows to himself that he makes it a point to go out just to prove a point mostly to himself that he doesn’t feel that way about Daniel.

“Turn it off,” the guy mutters – Jisung isn't really sure what his name is, Taedong or Taewoong something, the bar had been loud, as his screen flashes and shines up a bright white light in the room.

“Forget about it,” Jisung says, and his next few words are between kisses, “it's not important.”

He moves his lips from his mouth down over onto his neck, and from over his shoulder, he can just about make out an ID on the last few texts that have come through, all from Daniel. He feels like he should answer it, at least see what it is, because it's the third time now but T-something is groaning under the feeling of Jisung's lips against his skin, and his hand reaches down over Jisung's thighs and moving up, and he can't really find it in him to care.

“S'distracting,” the guy mumbles. “Just wanna focus on you.”

Jisung kind of wants to roll his eyes, but if he fucks like he kisses then Jisung can deal with it. He reaches over and holds down the off button, and looks up at the guy from the bar, eyebrows raised.

“You happy, now?” he asks, expectant, and the guy nods.

“Yeah,” he murmurs, and he pushes Jisung down against the mattress, kissing him again.

//

Jisung is good at excuses.

He's given Daniel the false impression that he is far busier than he is – well, he's a graduating performing arts student. He's pretty busy, and in his down time, despite his running away from confronting his situation with Daniel, he still goes to clubs, to bars, finds guys or girls. Ends up with kiss-swollen lips and an aching head in the morning. Not that Daniel needs to know that part.

After the third time Jisung has been unable to attend one of Daniel's hang out suggestions, he gives up. Daniel starts to talk to him like usual, like how it’s supposed to be. It's a relief. Jisung knows it's not permanent, or a way out. Daniel will be persistent, of course he will. Daniel is his best friend, he'll pursue him, soon, again. Jisung made a promise to call him back once his schedule loosens.

Jisung feels guilty but guilty isn't enough to make him pick up the phone and put his doubts him

//

It takes Daniel a week to contact him again after the three rejections Jisung’s thrown his way.

Obviously, he'd figured by that time that Jisung wasn't planning to call, as he said he would. Jisung feels bad when his name pops up on his phone screen, a little curl of guilt – and, as much as he hates it a small twinge of fluttery butterfly feelings which he despises. That's the thing with their friendship, though. It's an inevitable connection. There's got to be something there, like this tiny invisible string that pulls them together and despite Jisung's unwillingness to feel any kind of remorse, when he knows that he's inevitably hurting Daniel a little bit of it hurts him too. That's just the way it works.

Jisung hates it, and it takes him two hours to muster the balls to actually open the message. He studies and researches until he has no other excuse to pretend he's doing anything other than blatantly ignoring him.

**_From: Nyel-ah_ **

**_[8:20 p.m.]  Hyung can we talk?_ **

Jisung spends a long time staring at the words on the screen, hoping they'll somehow rearrange themselves to say; _hey, hyung I feel uncomfortable with whatever we did, let’s pretend nothing happened_

That's not how Daniel thinks, though, he can tell – by how Daniel was eager when he kissed Jisung. Jisung is not an idiot to not notice that Daniel has been looking at him differently. If those lingering gazes and sudden touches don't mean anything, then Jisung must be going crazy. He’s always been intuitive about other people, and he isn’t kidding when he knows that something about how Daniel was acting towards him shifted.

Like, Jisung knows he's an asshole, and mildly narcissistic with a tendency to overuse sarcasm as a defense mechanism. Minhyun has tried to psycho-analyze him far too many times, and Jisung gets it. But he's not that much of a dick that thinking about how Daniel has probably thought of what he did wrong, for Jisung to ghost on him for a week - doesn't tug at his heartstrings a little, make him twinge with guilt.

**_To: Nyel-ah_ **

**_[8:25 p.m.]  hey sorry i’ve just been really busy, we’ll talk soon ok?_ **

Honestly, he's not entirely sure why he's lying.

**_To: Nyel-ah_ **

**_[8:26 p.m.]  Jinwoos having a party this friday maybe u can come? Wanna see u there_ **

Still not quite sure.

//

It happens on a Friday night, at Jinwoo’s party.

“Hyung?”

Somehow, the voice immediately strikes recognition in Jisung and before he's even considered it, thought about it, he knows that it's Daniel. Even though the music is loud and trying to drown out their speech, even though the last time he heard Daniel’s voice was too long ago for his voice to mean anything but a good friend to Jisung. He turns around, trademark smirk placed upon his face and he thinks about how he fucking hates this.

“Oh, hey, Niel,” he says. “Didn't think I'd run into you here.” Jisung tries to act normal. They’re okay, right?

“Yeah, um,” Daniel shrugs, looking back behind him are a group of guys, staring him down. “You invited me, remember? Oh and, I brought some friends if you don’t mind.”

“Invited you..” Jisung says dumbstruck, and they both know what it means. Daniel looks away.

_We’ll talk soon, okay?_

“Hyung, you never wanted to talk about it didn’t you?” he asks, mumbles, his eyes shifting downcast and Jisung, then, having to look at him and the disappointment on his face, feels overcome with this huge, shifting sensation of guilt that kind of feels like something has punched him in the stomach. It's either his conscience or it's Yongguk. It could be both.

“Look, Niel-ah...”

“No, it's fine, hyung.  It's – yeah. I get it. I’m sorry to assume, it’s just that we’ve done it so many times and I thought– yeah– I get it.” Daniel shifts from one foot to the other, his hands opening and closing. A nervous habit.

“I don't think you do,” Jisung says. “Look, let me – let me buy you a drink. We can hang out, yeah? I just, I – I have been really busy, You know? It's not. It's not personal, Niel.” Jisung tries to grab at Daniel’s forearm.

“Isn't it?”

“What, you think I have some kind of issue with you?” Jisung asks while faking a laugh, and Daniel doesn't reply. Jisung closes his eyes and he groans a little bit. “Niel– no, you've got the wrong conclusion. That's not what it is at all, I swear to God!”

“You sure about that?” Daniel fakes a hurt expression, lips pouting a bit and Jisung bites the inside of his cheeks.

“I'm sure. Come on, stay, don't go back over there, your friends kinda look like they wanna kill me. I'll buy you a drink. We can hang out and then later we'll go somewhere quiet, and we'll talk. I can explain everything, and I'll tell you now, it's not your fault. I wanted to talk about it, okay?”

Daniel looks unsure for a minute until he nods, arms folded in some kind of defensive position, and Jisung grins. He moves towards him, putting his arm around Daniel's waist, wondering why he's going to all of this effort, all of this trouble to make things right when there's an easy escape. A get away, right now. And yet here he is, making nice. His charm is peaking out, his smoothness that he uses when he's always picking up guys, and it's coming out now as he orders Daniel's drink and keeps him close, flirts. It's coming out now and it's all for Daniel.

//

Jisung drinks too much.

He always drinks too much. Not enough for the room to be pounding and the sound to be breaking and his vision to be cracking up around him, where his head will ache for days tomorrow. Just a little too much to be able to distinguish between a good idea and a really fucking bad one.

It happens in flashes.

Kissing Daniel in the corner of a bar when the lights are dim and the shadows fall over his face so really, he could be anyone. Daniel still has a drink in his hand, and Jisung's arms are around his neck.

Back at Daniel's place. The hall lights go on, no one turns it off again, the bedroom light stays dark.

“Hyung--” Daniel is cut off with Jisung’s lips latching onto his, Jisung’s hand curling at the back of Daniel’s neck. The latter pulls away only for a few seconds, “Hyung, you said we’ll talk and-” Jisung pulls him down for another feverish kiss, more intense than the last. Jisung’s teeth clicking against Daniel’s bottom lip, and quickly soothed any dull ache with the sweep of his touch. A weak and deep moan tumbles out of Daniel’s lips, jaw immediately going slack as Jisung licked into his mouth, warm and wet--needy and messy. Daniel was ready to pull away, even in his drunken state, he feels like he needs to chide Jisung for avoiding the conversation, but they’re intoxicated and maybe this isn’t the best time to speak. Jisung is already half hard and is grinding himself down on Daniel’s thigh. Jisung just made the neediest whining noise as he’s rutting his hips against Daniel’s thighs.

And who was Daniel to resist Jisung?

“We’ll talk just- _fuck_ \- Daniel. I want to ride you. Can hyung do that? Will you let hyung do that?”

Holding back a groan, Daniel bit down on his bottom lip hard. How could Jisung ask him something like that? It was fucking needy and sexy that Daniel was about to lose it.

“Hyung-” Daniel says against Jisung’s lips, feeling Jisung grinding off of his thighs, already hard.

“Really want you to fuck me right now,” Jisung began, voice quiet, but not timid. Daniel placed his hands on both sides on Jisung’s hips as he began rocking hard, back and forth, pausing only to move into a new position, one where he had better friction grinding against Jisung. Daniel is only wearing sweatpants, and Jisung’s down to only his boxers and he’s so fucking thankful that there is barely anything separating them as Daniel began to buck his hips up harder, but achingly slow, taking his time to draw a low groan from Jisung’s lips.

“You really want me, hyung?”

Jisung didn’t respond, so Daniel took it upon himself to rile Jisung up again. “Hyung, tell me how bad you want it,” he said, careful, not letting his voice get too loud as he rocked his hips particularly hard again.

“ _Daniel--”_ Jisung pants out, his cheeks flushed both from the amount of alcohol he has drank and from Daniel being vocal and wanting to hear what Jisung likes. Jisung is getting impatient and sets his hand on Daniel’s hips, eyes rolling back as he feels Daniel roll and fuck himself up and onto Jisung without shame.

Suddenly, Jisung felt himself being pushed down-thrown onto the bed that it takes him a few seconds to register what’s happening.

Daniel spread his legs, slotting himself between them perfectly, the new angle allowing him to grind his cock against Jisung between their clothing. Jisung’s eyes flutter shut, his mouth falls open with the threat of moaning too loud. Before Jisung could quiet himself, he felt Daniel’s finger being pushed past his lips. Jisung, without thinking, takes them into his mouth and laps his tongue in between Daniel’s finger’s moaning lewdly in between them.

“Fuck, Jisung _fuck_. Hyung--” Daniel sounded too eager and so painfully ready to come.

“A- _ah!”_ Jisung stuttered through Daniel’s fingers, hips stuttering off the bed. “Mm gonna come-” Jisung warned, but Daniel just started rocking his hips down harder, slower, drawing out desperate whines from Jisung with how particularly hard his actions were.

Danie pulled out his fingers from Jisung’s mouth, slowly dragging his digits down Jisung’s chin, leaving a messy trail along his skin. Jisung looks fucking wrecked and he hasn’t even fucked him yet.

Daniel pulls away without hesitation, only taking a moment to look at Jisung, face flushed and panting, pupils blown wide with lust, and as soon as Daniel came back down to kiss him, Jisung could feel his orgasm on the tips of his nerves. Every muscle went tense, only able to hook his legs around Daniel’s hips, grinding slow and dirty.

“Didn’t you say you wanna ride me, hyung? We haven’t even started and you’re already about to come.” Daniel whispered against Jisung’s jaw, skimming his teeth over the skin with a satisfied noise. The friction of Jisung’s boxers rubbing against the head of his cock hurt in a delicious way, made him want Daniel’s fingers wrapped around him. He wanted Daniel to touch him. He wanted Daniel.

Jisung hastily discards of his boxers, and Daniel followed suit with removing both his sweatpants and briefs. Jisung relaxed himself on the bet, slumping on his sides. The amount of pleasure surging through his veins made him whimper with desperation in his voice. “Lube?” Jisung asked. Daniel nodded, walking towards his dresser and coming back with a small bottle. “And condoms?”

“I- I think I ran out of those-” Daniel said softly. Jisung tries to remember is he still had some, but he wasn’t expecting to end up fucking with Daniel once again. “You really don’t have any?” Jisung’s hand trailed down his chest, fingers at the base of Daniel’s cock as he stroked once, twice, a moan tearing past Daniel’s lips as he tries to breathe evenly.

“Do you want me to go out and get some?”

Jisung shook his head before he flicked his wrist particularly hard, voice high as he keened and shook his head again. “Fuck it, come here-Niel just come here-”

“Hyung--”

“I don’t care.” Jisung breathes hard, sitting up and grabbing Daniel by the shoulders, pulling him down in a heated kiss. Daniel feels bad about it, but only for a few seconds because Jisung seems to not mind as he slid his tongue over Daniel’s parted lips, their tongues lazily moving against one another’s before Jisung flattens his hand on Daniel’s chest and pulls away. “Fuck me without it, then.”

“Hyung, are you serious?”

“Please--just prep me and do it Niel, stop asking questions,” Jisung ordered, their lips meeting again as Daniel sucked on Jisung’s tongue, pulling a hard and whining moan from Jisung. Daniel crawled onto the bed, pushing Jisung down on his back.

Daniel poured a generous amount of lube over his fingers, and Jisung whined as Daniel’s index finger slid into him on the second knuckle with ease. Daniel looks at Jisung, carefully working his generously lubed fingers towards his entrance until it slid in with a little more tension than the first one had. Jisung had his eyebrows furrowed, biting down on his bottom lip. Daniel playfully nips at the inside of Jisung’s thigh and he felt amused at how Jisung tightens himself around his fingers. “You like teasing me like that, Niel?” Jisung snorted as he looked down, back arching as Daniel mumbled that he was going to put the third finger in.

Daniel swallowed hard when Jisung looked up at him after throwing his head to the side, eyes tracing over Daniel’s body before he licked his dry lips.

“I’m ready, Niel.” Jisung whimpers.

“Are you sure?”

“Lay down.” Jisung ordered, sitting up faster than Daniel could react. Again, before Daniel could say anything, he felt Jisung straddling his hips, positioning himself on Daniel’s hips before reaching behind himself and pushing Daniel’s cock inside of him. Daniel choked on a low groan, throwing his head back and biting down on his lips as Jisung took him all at once. Jisung’s overwhelmingly warm heat, the sound of Jisung’s soft moans that slipped past his lips as he pushed his long dark hair back and hissed, all of it felt like ecstasy. Daniel wanted more of this.

“This is how bad I wanted you, C’mon Niel, make hyung feel good?” Jisung pleaded, rocking his hips forward as Daniel felt the delicious sensation of himself sliding out of Jisung’s entrance and then back into the wet heat. “I want all of you, Niel. Please, I want you to make me come without touching me. Can you make me come like that?” Jisung bounced experimentally, Daniel moaning louder than he thought he would as Jisung raked his nails down Daniel’s chest, leaving bright red lines. “Fuck, hyung!”

Daniel couldn’t bring himself to do anything else but look at Jisung is awe, Daniel’s chest felt warm as he saw Jisung smile down on him, a clever, cheeky smile that said he wanted it too. Daniel canted his hips upwards just as Jisung bounced again and tore another moan from Jisung’s lips. “You look so fucking sexy, hyung.” Daniel grabs Jisung’s hips and fucks him as Jisung’s on top of him. Suddenly, Jisung tightened around him. “Niel-I’m-!” Jisung whimpered, grinding himself down particularly hard, faster than he had before, and threw his head back. “Do you like it when I do that?” Jisung said, Daniel hissing as his dick twitched against Jisung’s warm walls.

“Fuck!” Jisung whimpered, Daniel’s eyes widening as Jisung tightened around him, his hips stuttering as he came across Daniel’s chest with a loud groan. Daniel hissed through his teeth, the feeling of being inside Jisung is too overwhelming. Jisung shivered with Daniel’s cock twitching inside of him as Daniel came. Jisung can only watch in fascination when Daniel came, his eyes parting for only a second as they rolled back.

Once they both came down from their tired, sensitive highs. Daniel mustered up the energy to get off the bed and clean them up.

The last thing he remembers is his voice cracking when he cries out, and he says, “Daniel.”

//

In the morning, when Jisung wakes up – With bleary eyes, he sits up, and he remembers a dark, warm room, and someone reaching out to grasp his wrist and mumbling, “Stay, hyung.” and he remembers Daniel.

His side of the bed is empty, but on the side table beside Jisung, there's a cup of coffee and a couple of aspirin. Jisung comes to the quick conclusion that Daniel is sweet.

(Sweet isn't really his type.)

And all of a sudden, he feels a lot worse about everything.

//

He can't avoid Daniel forever, not in his own apartment, of all places, and so it's only natural that the two of them end up standing awkwardly in his kitchen, Daniel looking at him expectantly and Jisung remembers vividly a promise to talk.

_We'll go somewhere quiet, then we'll talk._

It's quiet enough to hear a pin drop probably and he doesn't really have an excuse anymore, does he?

“So,” Jisung says. “I, uh, I owe you an explanation. Probably.”

“Probably,” Daniel agrees. He coughs. “It's just. Hyung, you probably know right? I shouldn't base my expectations off of everyone else but – it's hard not to, I guess?” Daniel doesn’t look him in the eye and guilt slowly rises from Jisung’s chest to his throat, though he convinces himself it’s just the alcohol.

“I understand, Niel. I don’t blame you, and I’m sorry tha-”

“I sort of feel like an idiot, hyung.” Daniel cuts him off.

“Daniel,” Jisung sighs. “Don't, okay, you're not an idiot. I'm just an asshole.”

Daniel doesn't reply, just gives Jisung this look that says, _yeah, got that, keep talking._

“I'm... not really into the whole, committed relationship thing?” and he wants to bang his head against the wall as he says it, well aware of the fact that he sounds like a prick. He is a prick, what else is new. “I don't know, I just mean. Like. Whatever you think this is or whatever you’re expecting from this. I don't like it. Not as a concept. Someday, I'll be into it, I'm sure, just, not now. Like, we're young. I'm not... ready for it. Not now? And you’re like, one of my best friends. I don’t want to ruin that just because we were stupid and fooled around a few times.” Jisung reasons, he smiles, trying to keep the mood light.

“Oh,” Daniel says. “I.. that makes sense. I guess.” He looks dejected and Jisung wants the ground to swallow him at the moment.

“Does it? I’m really sorry if you thought..”

“Well, it's not something I've never really heard before. I- yeah. It’s okay.”

“Yeah,” Jisung says. “Not really a common viewpoint, is it?”

And it's not. Everybody Jisung knows follows typical expectation as if they know nothing else, and they don't, he supposes. No one ever turns around and says they're not ready, Jisung's just some kind of fucking anomaly.

He feels sorry for Daniel, most of all. Getting stuck and catching feelings with the noncommittal as his best friend.

“No,” Daniel says. “It's – I definitely wasn't expecting that.”

“It's not you, Niel..” Jisung tries to smooth out the conversation, making sure there’s nothing unclear and that they’re both okay. “Like, I'm not gonna start that whole, it's not you it's me thing, but for real. It's not you.”

“I thought you just didn't like me?” Daniel confesses, hiding his face behind his hands. “Like you were disappointed. I don't know.”

“I'm not disappointed,” Jisung confirms. “Like, not at all. Why would I be? You're cute, Niel, and you're nice. You're a good fuck, too.”

Daniel goes a little red, and Jisung smirks.

“I like you, Niel. I do, a lot actually. Just...”

“Not right now?”

“Can't we just, I don't know. Go back to normal?  I won't ignore your texts again, promise. I mean..if you want, we can still fool around? But no exclusivity.” Jisung doesn’t know why he had to add the last one, when he could just strictly keep their relationship on a platonic level.

_Because you’re fucking selfish and Daniel is a good lay? Because maybe you do feel something for him?_

“Okay,” Daniel nods, looking a bit dazed. Jisung wonders if he understands anything that he's heard today at all. “I can deal with that.”

“You sure? I don’t want to feel like I’m forcing you into anything. You can say no, just because we're friends that doesn’t mean that you have to say it’s okay when it’s not. ” Jisung pauses and tries to look for the right words to say. “Before..everything that’s happened, you’re still my best friend and I don’t want you to hurt.” Jisung means it.

He's standing close to Daniel, now. Hadn't even realized as they'd been talking they'd been getting closer, as Daniel moved a step back for defense, whereas Jisung then moved two steps forward. And now they're close, close enough to lean in, kiss him. He moves his hands up to Daniel's shoulders, steadies him where he looks like he's struggling to take it all in. It feels good, to be close to him.

And he's not really sure if it's appropriate, if he's supposed to, if it'll make this whole thing worse. But despite his feelings and this conversation and everything else, Daniel is _something_ to Jisung, and Jisung wants to kiss him, so he does.

He thinks, they've already slept together, how bad can it be?

Daniel doesn't push him away. Daniel sighs into the kiss, like it comes as a comfort and a release, and Jisung's glad for the toothbrush Daniel leant him already, now. He melts into Daniel, practically, falls against him and lets him deepen the kiss. Jisung can barely remember how his lips felt the night before beneath the blur of alcohol and dim lighting, and it feels good to re-learn him again, the way he moves, feels, tastes, kisses.

It's the weirdest fucking one night stand that Jisung’s has ever had, but he thinks it might be the best, and he likes the feeling of Daniel's hands pressed against his waist gently. Daniel kisses gently, he thinks, when he wants to. Jisung likes it a lot.

//

Daniel is still someone that he thinks is important, but that's not something Jisung likes to linger on. Daniel, more than anything else, he likes to think, is his best friend.

And like, okay. So they're more than friends, sometimes, but Jisung can deal with that because it's casual and casual is completely Jisung's thing. Jisung likes things casual. Casual.

That's what it is with Daniel. They're friends sure, and maybe they kiss a lot and fuck sometimes. Maybe. But they're not exclusive, is the thing. Daniel isn't expecting Jisung to just give up the way he wants to live and settle down with him.

Not that everyone agrees with him, of course.

“Are you sure this is a good idea?” Yongguk asks him, as if they're not supposed to be studying for a test right now. “Like, that Daniel is okay with it?”

“Yeah, 'course he is,” Jisung scoffs. “Why would he say it was fine if he's actually crying himself to sleep over it?” He tries to look busy as he flicks through his notes.

“Because he doesn't want you to freak out?” Sungwoon says, an eyebrow raised. He doesn't approve of Jisung's casual approach to Daniel.

“Why would I freak out?”

Sungwoon and Yongguk exchange a _look_. Like, a look, and Jisung frowns.

“What?”

“Commitment issues? And the fact that Daniel’s been harboring this boy crush on you for forever? Hello, earth to Jisung? Has the come of every guy you sucked off finally made its way to your brain and froze it?” Yongguk suggests helpfully, and Sungwoon snickers.

“I don't have commitment issues!” Jisung protests defensively.  “When have I ever said I have commitment issues? And he’ll get over his crush...it’s not that serious as you guys make it sound. And fuck you, Yongguk, I hope Kenta denies you of sex for three weeks.” Jisung rolls his eyes, threatening to throw his notebook towards Yongguk’s general direction.

“You don't have to say it,” Jaehwan says, entering the room as if he was even supposed to be here. He's not part of their totally exclusive study group, and he doesn't even have his notes with him. Jisung thinks he's just here to raid his fridge. He's probably right. “It's obvious.”

“If Jaehwan noticed it, it has to be obvious, doesn't it?” Sungwoon says pointedly, and Jisung scowls. He hates them all and he needs better friends.

“I don’t get paid enough to be friends with all of you.” Jisung says.

“You don’t get paid to be friends with us, admit it. You fucking love us.” Yongguk coos, laughing just a little bit

“Your parents hid it well from you. From now on, I’m only accepting your apologies in cash.” Jisung announces, crumpling a piece of paper and throwing it to Yongguk.

“Hyung, remember that guy from Professor Yumi's class you were sleeping with a while back?” Yongguk asks. Jisung doesn't know, but saying “which one” will probably prove more their point than his, so he just gives Yongguk a blank look.

“Which one?” Jaehwan snorts, so Jisung doesn't have to. It sounds a lot worse coming out of his mouth, though.

“I don't know his name!” Yongguk says. “Uh, he had brown hair.”

“Oh, I know who you mean,” Jisung says. “Yeah, I remember.”

“Why aren't you sleeping with him anymore?”

Jisung pauses. “Um, incompatible. He snores? I don’t know, I don’t remember.” he mutters.

“You mean he asked you to be exclusive and you told him you were moving away? And then stayed in the same class as him for the rest of the semester? And came back for the next one? And just never spoke to him again?” Yongguk continues, voice innocent as he blows off a thin air on his nails. Jaehwan is beside himself with laughter. Jisung is glad Minhyun isn't here.

“That... is not a fair argument,” Jisung mumbles.

Yongguk pats him on the back. “No commitment issues,” he says. “Yeah, keep lying to yourself, hyung.”

//

The thought resonates once again the next time he's out, and there's a nameless face with hands that reach out around his waist, pulling him closer as the thrum of music clears every thought out of Jisung's head other than the fact that maybe, he'd want to be with someone else.

And it's still there when they're back at his place, and Jisung's learning the way that he kisses.

Not at all like Daniel, too fast, and too quick, and too hot all at once.

When his hands are roaming over Jisung's body, and he reacts the way he would at any touch, only human, but there's something still that feels a little wrong. The wrong name in his throat and he presses his lips tight not to say it. The wrong want that floods through him, something that stops it being as good as it should be.

Jisung can't put a name to it, the feeling. When all of the thoughts fly into his mind like an explosion of colours too fast and too clouding and messing him up, pressing him to think in the moments where he doesn't want to, he kisses the guy again, harder, faster (not at all like the chaste way he'd kissed Daniel the other morning when he'd left the house at seven am, another night spent together) and makes himself to forget.

It doesn't feel right, somehow.

Jisung fucks him anyway.

//

Jisung makes up for the fact that he'd kind of ignored Daniel the previous night by turning up at his apartment with take-out pizza and his biggest smile. He promised that he wanted to go back to normal, and this is his best endeavor to that.

Daniel lets him in, no questions asked, and they make an agreement that if Jisung will let Daniel watch one of the Harry Potter movies Daniel is so obsessed about, Jisung gets to choose the next one. It's totally not a dating thing, he tells himself, because dates are cute. And stuff. There are bodies being obliterated to smithereens on the TV. Not cute. Not romantic. Jisung spends half of the time thinking about what he can force Daniel into watching that he'll hate the most. He doesn't care what Yongguk says, he's an excellent friend.

Mid-way through the movie though, Jisung does find himself getting a bit restless. Despite Daniel's running commentary, and his attempt at humor, it's still not really holding Jisung's interest and even though Daniel has tried to explain the plot – well, Jisung wasn't really listening.

He's bored, though. The only good part about watching this is Daniel's enthusiasm for all of the weird, geeky shit that Jisung doesn't really get. His face lights up, it's that kind of smile when he laughs and tells Jisung he first watched this when he was eleven years old. It's cute, and so Jisung deals with it. For a while.

He's getting kind of tired of Daniel's attention is focused on blurry, special effects of wizards brandishing their wands at each other instead of on him. It's completely subconscious when his hand trails it's way over onto Daniel's thigh, fingers stroking down over the fabric of his jeans as Jisung's eyes follow the TV. Another body gets blown up.

From the corner of his eye, Jisung can see Daniel's eyes glance down to look at his hand. He can see the small smile, but Daniel doesn't say or do anything at all. He makes another bad impersonation of a British accent, and Jisung wonders if being a college student is a cover for being the guy behind the popsicle stick jokes. It wouldn't surprise him.

Jisung doesn't like being ignored though.

He moves his hand up Daniel's thigh slowly, gently, and feels Daniel glaring at him. He turns his head, tilts it to the side and says, ever innocent, “What?”

“You know what,” Daniel mutters. “Don't corrupt my childhood memories with sex, hyung.”

“Why not?” Jisung smirks. “Sex makes everything better.”

“Even when we’re binge watching Harry Potter?”

“ _Especially_ when we’re binge watching Harry Potter,” he agrees, and then he leans forwards and kisses Daniel hard.

Daniel kisses him back – for a minute, and then he pulls away.

“Hyung, slow down,” he says.

“I'm not really into slow,” Jisung replies.

“Voldemort is literally screeching on my TV.”

“Seems like pretty good music to me.” Jisung breaks into a small fit of laugh.

Daniel laughs a little bit, leaning forward to press pause on the remote control, and Jisung's pretty glad about that. The awful, outdated distortion sounds used for more cinematic effects was giving him a headache. He leans in again and presses a small, lingering kiss on Daniel's lips like he's asking whether or not they're good to go now.

“What happened to you last night?” Daniel asks him quietly, and Jisung draws back, not really sure how to respond.

He smirks. “I was, uh, with a friend.”

Daniel looks away, and Jisung feels like he's given the wrong answer – to which, what the fuck. That shouldn't be the wrong answer. There should be no wrong answer because it's not like Daniel has any kind of hold on him, or his life, or what he does, or who he fucks.

“Niel?”

“Yeah, yeah, I know,” Daniel mutters. “We're not, like, exclusive.”

“Yeah,” Jisung says. “We're not. So what's up?”

“Nothing, forget I said anything.”

“Kind of hard to. I thought you were cool with it?”

“I am,” Daniel insists, and Jisung raises an eyebrow.

“You sure about that?”

“I'm sure. But I paused my favorite childhood movie for you, so are you gonna kiss me, or what?”

Jisung sort of feels like they should talk about it, because there was something off about Daniel, for a moment. But the thought of it sets red alerts going and warning bells ringing in his head and tells himself that if Daniel says it's nothing then it's nothing.

//

Jisung isn't stupid.

He's aware of the fact that Daniel is less than happy with their current arrangement, actually. How it was okay at first but now maybe he does want exclusivity, some kind of commitment – even if he's never put it into words, Jisung can feel it. He can sense it from the way that Daniel curls up against him in his sleep (Jisung doesn't turn over, he wraps his arm around Daniel's waist and pulls him closer) and texts him in the mornings with something stupid like the eggplant emoji (Jisung started it with the grandma emoji). The way Daniel's voice goes quiet when Jisung makes any kind of subtle reference to the fact that he's seeing other people.

It makes him feel bad, too, which is. Well.

Jisung shouldn't feel bad, surely, because he and Daniel had set up this arrangement between the two of them for the good of things, for their own benefit, so things would work between them. Daniel knew what he was getting into, he knows Jisung doesn't like to commit, and he shouldn't be like this, now. He shouldn't be upset.

Jisung should feel more annoyed than he does, probably, and less guilty. But apparently he doesn't get a say in the way that his head thinks and his heart feels and so instead of getting mad, he's just extra nice to Daniel. Cuter. Like – like a boyfriend, even though they're not.

“Rough day at classes?” he offers, and Daniel gives him a tight smile.

“Something like that,” Daniel mutters. Jisung is pretty sure that in actual fact it has something to do with the texts he'd seen last night, from some guy Jisung met at a bar asking if he wants to see him again.

(Jisung deleted the message, right in front of Daniel, so he could see. He's not sure why he did that.)

“Hyung can make you feel better,” Jisung says, moves, captures the corner of Daniel's mouth in a chaste kiss. “Let me help you forget about it?”

“You ever think about anything other than sex?” Daniel asks, voice coming out half shaky, a little bit like stuttered laughter. Like he's actually pretty upset, or something.

“Yeah, sure,” Jisung says. “I think about _lots_ of things.”

“For example?” Daniel is glaring down at him in fake annoyance, and Jisung would hate to admit it, but he finds it cute.

“For example...” Jisung presses another kiss to his lips. “I think about how much I like dancers,” kiss, “and how much I love making out to Harry Potter,” and again, “and how often I find that dancers have really great legs. Strong thighs.”

“So that's a no then?” Daniel says, but he's smiling a little bit now, leaning more into Jisung, letting the two of them be close together.

“I don't know what you mean,” Jisung smirks. “If you took that sexually then maybe _you're_ the one with a sex problem out of the two of us.”

Daniel rolls his eyes, groans, and he lets his head fall against Jisung for a moment.

“You're exhausting, you know that?” he says, and he says it in a light-hearted, joking manner, but Jisung can't help but wonder if there's an undertone whispering how Daniel really feels. “I hope you know that, hyung.”

“Sex addict or no sex addict,” Jisung says. “Let me make you feel good?”

“Hyung..”

“C'mon, Niel.” he says. “I wanna show you how much I like you.”

Jisung isn't sure if Daniel understands what he's trying to say, what he means, underneath those words, between the lines – he doesn't realize it himself, really, not until he's said it and even then it's only a murmur, one so quiet that his loud thoughts of protest cancel it out in seconds.

Regardless of whether he does or he doesn't, Daniel leans in and kisses Jisung, and his arms latched around his waist and Jisung thinks for a split second that maybe he doesn't want to do this with anyone else.

But only for a split second.

//

“Hyung, I’m so fucking horny.” Daniel whispers against Jisung’s ears as Jisung attempts to type the last of his report on some general education subject that he decided to put off taking until his senior year. Jisung chuckles and pushes Daniel lightly. “Well, you’re out of luck, I’m kind of busy.”

“ _Hyung.”_ Daniel whines, and he’s rarely this needy and Jisung is almost tempted to close his laptop, fuck the deadline and cram everything in the last minute. He swears to god if he fails this subject because of Daniel, it will entirely be his fault, but he’ll blame Daniel anyway, just because.

Jisung folds his laptop shut, and turns his attention to Daniel, who looks triumphant, hands already makings its way down Jisung’s thigh.

“Shit, you really weren’t kidding.” Jisung slaps Daniel’s hands away and pecks his lips. Jisung is amused at how Daniel chased his lips as soon as he pulled away. “What’s gotten Niel so needy?” Jisung palms and rubs his fingers teasingly on Daniel’s erection and he loves the way Daniel’s head lolls back at the subtle touch. “What do you want to do, hm? Do you want me on top of you?” Jisung loves to get Daniel to talk, especially when he and Daniel fool around. Daniel’s always so eager and so responsive. Something about his innocence and how naive Daniel could be sometimes got his chest feeling warm for all the unusual reasons. “Take care of me, hyung.” Jisung leans in and kisses Daniel, he breathes against his lips when they parted. Daniel moaned involuntarily. “What was that?” Jisung’s smile is teasing and cunning, and Daniel knows he’s set a trap for himself.

Daniel looks down, face starting to go red. Jisung was taken aback slightly, it’s not like he was opposed. His expression softened, and he feels like he should talk to Daniel about it. “Are you sure? How do you want me to take care of you?" Jisung presses down on Daniel's erection hard and Daniel's hips buck up at the sensation. Jisung is pleased.

“Just-do whatever hyung. I trust you.”

Jisung chews on his bottom lip.

"I'm not gonna do anything until you tell me what you want, Niel." Jisung sounds commanding, lips pressing slightly on Daniel's jaw.

"Want you.." Daniel trails off, exposing his neck so Jisung has easy access. "..inside of me, hyung." Jisung's hot breath fans against Daniel's neck as he lets out a soft chuckle. "Okay."

Daniel lies down on the bed and pushes Jisung to make him fall on top of him, grabbing as much of him as he can, latching his lips on Jisung's neck.

"Hyung, I trust you." He hears Daniel mumble and feels his throat tighten.

"Why do you say embarrassing things like that?" Jisung laughs, his forehead falls against Daniel's clavicle.

"Why are we still wearing clothes, anyway?" Daniel complained, faking an annoyed expression darted at Jisung.

"That's more I like it," Jisung mutters as he lifts his arms up to help Daniel slip it off easier. Jisung helps Daniel off his sweater, and he visibly shivers. Jisung wastes no time, he brings his head down to Daniel's chest, already lapping at his nipple with his warm tongue. Daniel pants as he feels Jisung's teeth graze the nub of his nipple and then take it in his mouth to suck on it.

Daniel pushes him off gently and cups his reddened cheeks. He brings Jisung close again and brushes his lips against his and pauses so they're barely centimeters apart and are breathing each other's air. Jisung feels Daniel shakily exhale as his hands run through Daniel's soft brunette hair, before pulling him in and finally kissing him on the lips. Jisung feels like it's too intimate, way more intimate than how they were in the past weeks, but he puts that in the back of his mind. Now, he's focused on making Daniel feel good, taking care of Daniel.

The kiss was slow and sweet, neither any of them pushing control, just lips against lips, but soon it gets wetter, more desperate. Daniel sweeps Jisung's bottom lip with his tongue, and Jisung takes that as a signal to slip his tongue inside Daniel's mouth and immediately feeling Daniel's meeting his and rolling it over his own. Jisung takes a sharp intake of breath as Daniel bites on his bottom lip, sucking it in as his palms grab at Jisung's clothed ass and pulls him closer in between his legs. Jisung pulls make after a few moments, breathless and takes in how needy and flushed Daniel looks. His hair all over the place, his lips slightly swollen, redness on his cheeks that is quickly spreading throughout his neck down to his chest. Jisung has the sudden urge to kiss him where his skin has reddened, so he does.

Jisung presses his lips lightly on Daniel's cheeks, his lips barely lingering on Daniel's skin. As he heads downwards, his kisses get rougher, needier, grazing his teeth and tonguing on his skin. Jisung basks in Daniel's shaky pants, his sharp inhales whenever Jisung bites with too much pressure, his muffled groans as Jisung sucks with force, and the way Daniel involuntarily stutters his hips when Jisung swipes his tongue through the quickly bruising skin.

Jisung kisses all the way through Daniel's trail of hair that leads to his straining erection that is still covered by his boxers. Jisung teasingly mouths at Daniel's cock through the material, a patch of pre-cum soaking the boxers. Jisung chases his cock with his tongue, listening to Daniel's hitched breathing. He nips at the head through the cloth, making Daniel jerk.

"Stop teasing, hyung." Daniel groans.

Jisung looks up at Daniel with a smirk and wets his lips. Daniel's cock visibly twitches beneath the tight fabric and Jisung's grin only grew wider as Daniel covers his face.

He quickly gets rid of Daniel's boxers, forgetting to take off his own sweatpants in haste. He watches as Daniel's dick slaps against his stomach and Daniel lets out a sigh. Jisung quickly palms him and wraps his long fingers around his cock, giving him a few pumps. Daniel hisses at the feeling, it's too dry, but it also feels so fucking good. Jisung makes up for it by darting out his tongue with a few kitten licks to the head. Daniel pants and brings his hands on Jisung's hair.

Jisung swirls and dips his tongue on the slit, tasting the saltiness and bitterness of pre-cum on his tongue. He feels Daniel's hands tighten around the grip on his hair, he spits at Daniel's cock and chases it down with his own lips, going as far as he comfortably can.

"Hyung-" Daniel chokes, "Fuck, you're _so_ good at this."

Jisung tries not to smile around Daniel. Instead, he closes his eyes and focuses on hollowing his cheeks, tonguing the underside of his cock as he slowly bobs his head up and down. He hears Daniel gulp audibly and feels his hands tense, trying not to pull on his hair harshly, cause he knows how much Jisung hates it.

Jisung wouldn't say it out loud, but he loves sucking Daniel off. It's ironic because he never particularly enjoyed it with the people he fucked with previously, and he prefers to skip it if he's not on the receiving end. Daniel is just always so eager for it, and Jisung fucking loves it because Daniel is always a moaning mess whenever he blows him.

Daniel starts shaking beneath him, trying to keep his hips still as Jisung pulls off with a lewd pop, a saliva connecting his lips and the head of Daniel's cock. Jisung brings his mouth back on Daniel, and he laps his tongue at the slit, just taking the head inside of his mouth. Jisung looks up and stares at Daniel who's staring down at him, half lidded and pupils blown. Daniel shuts his eyes closed and throws his head back, and Jisung knows he's close. Jisung doesn't remember when he started memorizing how Daniel's body reacts to his touches.

"No, not yet-" Jisung says with a raspy voice as he pulls off Daniel. "Come on, get on your knees for hyung." He purrs against the inside of Daniel's thighs.

"I want to come already, hyung," Daniel murmurs, annoyed. "You haven't even taken off your pants, let me just-"

Jisung interrupts him with a bite to his inner thigh, making Daniel gasp in surprise and moan in delight as Jisung quickly laps his tongue over it as an apology. "You told me to take care of you, let me please do it?"

Daniel inhales slowly, "Okay." He exhales.

Jisung straightens himself up and pats Daniel’s side. Daniel does as he’s told and gets on his hands and knees. He looks over his shoulder and Jisung smiles at him as he presses his palm on Daniel’s back. Daniel lowers his head in embarrassment as he lays his chest on the bed, leaving his hips and ass in the air at Jisung’s mercy. He gulps yet again, waiting for Jisung to do something.

He looks over his shoulder again as he feels Jisung shift on the bed. Jisung is finally naked; his dick is red and wet with precum, so hard it curves and touches his stomach. Daniel’s mouth waters at the sight and he makes to move to take it into his mouth, but Jisung moves closer and drapes himself on top of Daniel, his back and Jisung's chest like two perfect molds. Daniel gasps at the feeling of Jisung’s dick against the cleft of his ass, feel the precum smearing around the skin. Jisung takes it as an opportunity to slip two of his fingers inside Daniel’s mouth. He breathes against Daniel’s hair, taking in the scent and moaning as Daniel rolls his hips back, creating just a bit more friction. Daniel rolls his tongue between Jisung’s fingers, wetting them thoroughly.

Jisung removes his fingers and whispers "So good" into Daniel's ear. Jisung sits back behind Daniel, raking his nails across Daniel's broad back as he traces his wet fingers around Daniel's entrance. Jisung realizes that it's their first time doing it like this and he should prepare Daniel well. As Jisung inserts his index finger, he notices how loose Daniel is. Jisung tries not to moan at the thought of Daniel fucking himself with his fingers.

Jisung inserts the second one with ease and Daniel tenses around his fingers.

"Did you fuck yourself last night?" Jisung asks, harmless, his voice a bit lower than before. He waits for a response but gets none besides Daniel perking his ass up and trying to get more friction. "You did, didn't you?"

Daniel shudders, "Y-yeah, I did. I just- I've been thinking about it a lot. And I trust you- _ah!"_ Jisung ever so lightly moved his fingers inside of Daniel. "There, hyung." Daniel chokes out.

Daniel moans as Jisung fingers him and he feels himself getting stretched. Jisung closes his eyes as he feels Daniel desperately pushing his hips back and rolling them to meet his fingers. Jisung hisses as his neglected cock rubs against the inside of Daniel's thigh every time he pushes back.

"Please," Daniel pleads, his knuckles going white as he grasps on the sheets. Jisung would love to tease him some more, but Jisung's also impatient as well. Jisung looks for the lube and Daniel groans about how long he is taking.

Jisung sighs in pleasure as he lubes himself up and he hears Daniel groan as well. Looking up, he notices Daniel has propped himself up on his elbows, watching Jisung, his eyes on his cock as he strokes himself.

"So needy, Daniel?" Jisung teases, but Daniel simply nods. Jisung swallows as he moves closer to Daniel once again. He circles his thumb around Daniel's puckered hole, pushing it in and enjoying the way Daniel's head falls to the side, then on the sheets.

Inserting just the tip in, Jisung throws his head back at the feeling of being engulfed by Daniel’s velvety, warm and wet insides. Daniel mewls at the sensation of finally being filled up, loving how much just Jisung’s tip stretches him.

"Feels so good, Niel." Jisung moans, getting just a whimper as a response. Daniel is impatient and can't stand how still Jisung is and starts rolling his hips and pushing back against Jisung, slipping his cock further inside of him. Soon, Daniel feels like he needs more. He groans in frustration, Jisung isn't moving either as fast as he wants. He looks over his shoulder at Jisung and says, "Hyung, please-"

"Daniel, turn around," Jisung breathes out. "Wanna see your face."

Daniel is quick to lay on his back and Jisung groans when he sees how wrecked Daniel looks. His bangs are sticking to his forehead and his cheeks are more flushed than ever. Jisung couldn't help bringing his thumb to Daniel's reddened, wet lips - he was probably biting down on them hard - and slips it inside his mouth as Daniel moans around it, letting Jisung's cock easily slip in his entrance. Jisung pulls back and smears the saliva on Daniel's lips.

Daniel places his hands on Jisung's shoulder and locks eyes with his, as Jisung starts to move, the same rocking back and forth motion as before, teasing him, challenging him. Jisung places his hands back on Daniel's hips. thumbs rubbing circles on the jut of Daniel's hips, caressing him before holding him in place and starting to buck up into Daniel at a fast pace, the sound of the bed creaking getting louder.

Daniel can only brace himself on Jisung's shoulder and he carefully places one hand on Jisung's neck as he fucks him, his mouth hanging open in an incoherent long moan. Daniel whines when Jisung mouths at his neck and sucks to leave a mark on it.

"Hyung- _fuck,_ " Daniel calls for him "Jisung, please touch me."

"Are you close?" Jisung pants against the crook of his neck, feeling the heat slowly pooling in his lower stomach. He doesn't wait for an answer as he pushes back into Daniel, hard and unrelenting, placing his legs over his shoulders and bending him just how he wants to. He pins Daniel's arms above his head with one hand, teasing one of his nipples with the other. "Gonna make you come _so_ hard, baby. I told you I'll take care of you."

Daniel nearly sobs as Jisung starts pounding into him with no warning. The sounds intensify as it gets stickier, the sound of skin slapping against skin almost overwhelming every other sense Daniel has. Daniel looks at Jisung as he pants, a pleading look on his face. "Jisung-ah, please."

Jisung chuckles lightly and kisses Daniel's jaw, and continues thrusting and Daniel's hips stutter as his prostate gets stimulated in this position. "I said I was gonna make you come, right?" Jisung rasps, but soon his thrusts start to get erratic and lose rhythm. Daniel nods, biting down on his lips and shutting his eyes clothes. Jisung leans down and takes his lips, all messy, to the point where they're just breathing each other in, their pants, their moans mingling together.

Daniel starts pulling him closer, his breathing getting ragged with every passing second and Jisung knows that Daniel is _so_ close. Jisung hears Daniel begging him to go faster, Jisung complied, feeling his orgasm just as close. Daniel slips his legs off Jisung's shoulder and wraps it around his hips making him go deeper and allowing hi to lay his chest on top of Daniel as he keeps on thrusting.

Soon, Daniel arches his back, his body jerking for a few moments, holding his breath as he comes all over his stomach and chest. Jisung almost holds his breath at the sight of Daniel throwing his head back, eyes scrunched close, his mouth open but quickly biting down on his bottom lip to suppress a loud moan. Jisung pulls out completely and the way Daniel whimpers his name was almost enough to send him to the edge. Jisung jerks himself off quickly and finishes himself off on Daniel's stomach, and Daniel weakly moans.

Jisung's quickly grabs a towel from his closet and cleans both of them up. When Jisung returns on the bed, he hears Daniel whisper. "Stay, just for a bit?" and Jisung couldn't say no, he slots himself under Daniel's arms, their legs all tangled, the sheets staying wrinkled beneath them. He kisses the side of his neck. It's too intimate, but Jisung doesn't think about that.

"Jisung, can I ask you something?" Jisung looks at Daniel, his tired but satiated eyes, his flushed cheeks, and the languid smile on his face.

"Please don't say something cheesy, I'm gonna have to ask you to revoke your Jisung-fucks-you card." Jisung sighs, and he lays on top of Daniel, as comfortably for both of them as possible.

"No, no it's not. It's just-how do we keep doing this? I-We probably should've talked about it? I don't know. Why do we keep doing this?" Daniel's voice is a little shaky, it's probably cause of exhaustion, maybe because of something else.

Jisung places his head on Daniel's chest, feeling anxious as to how he will answer. He doesn't even know how to answer, to begin with. He doesn't know why he's memorized the way Daniel's body wants to be touched, He doesn't know why every time he goes out and fucks someone else, it doesn't feel quite right. Jisung doesn't know.

"I don't know." Jisung says dumbly. He threads his fingers through Daniel's hair, feeling Daniel's heart beat against his chest. "Why do you keep doing this?" He throws the same question, but he slowly drifts to sleep, Daniel not responding fast enough. Jisung remembers feeling his chest vibrating, remembers hearing Daniel mumbles something, but he's in such a daze that he doesn't catch what he said.

"Hyung, I think I'm in love with you."

Jisung wakes up early, and he finds himself in Daniel's embrace. It feels safe, a tangle of limbs, a spread of warmth. Jisung just wants to really nuzzle his face into this comfort and go back to sleep, maybe he should just skip classes and stay like this with Daniel. For a split second, he feels so happy. But Jisung is Jisung, and he vaguely remembers Daniel saying something to him, something important, something that would change the way Jisung is, change the way they are. Jisung feels a rush of panic on the pit of his stomach. Fuck. He thinks. _Fuckfuckfuck._

Jisung tries to slip out of Daniel's arms quickly, the panic building to a fear, but the way Daniel's arms held him tighter, lips lightly pressing on his shoulder made him feel at ease, and it shouldn't but it did.

Jisung wants to scream, he knows something has changed. He knows that if they name whatever this is, it becomes real, and Jisung isn't ready for that, not yet.

_Hyung I think I'm in love with you_

He doesn't know if it was a dream or if he heard it wrong. Jisung wants to run, he wants to get dressed, and get out, and run far away.

//

The problem with Daniel is that he's _got_ to Jisung, and no one has ever got to him before. Not like this, anyway.

The closest he'd ever come to was Hyunbin, way back, too long ago, so long that Jisung should have forgotten but he can't quite because the memory of gritted teeth and awkward moments and long silences resounding in the nights after they'd ended, in the dormitory they'd both shared, when they'd both lie awake breathing pretending to wonder if the other was asleep.

Hyunbin had got to him because just for a little while, Jisung had thought that maybe it meant something. That maybe they were something. That maybe he didn't want to sneak off with all of the boys who were longing for the kind of touches that Jisung was willing to give for nothing when all the girls they wanted were too far away.

It wasn't like that though, he knows that now. Thinks maybe he knew it then, too, but Daniel isn't like that.

He touches Jisung lovingly, and he's affectionate because he wants to be, and there's a clear distinction between the way that he touches Jisung when he wants to fuck and the way that he does when he just wants intimacy, to be close to him. Because he wants something from Jisung that isn't just sex.

With Hyunbin, it couldn't be like that – it was abrupt, awkward, eventually. And at first, it'd be fine to be best friends that kissed in the night and gave each other messy, awkward handjobs when they were sixteen and horny and, yeah. But then it wasn't because Hyunbin clearly couldn't brush his arm without flashing back to memories of racing hearts and heavy breathing and messy kisses.

It was kind of all-or-nothing; Hyunbin chose nothing.

(Jisung wanted all.)

//

Jisung is often the type to pull away and jump far back at the first sign of proper feelings – especially if they're his own.

Jisung tries to accept everything. From Daniel’s kisses to lingering touches, and his hot breath ghosting down his neck. He tries to  _not_ understand. He convinces himself that he shouldn’t and that he shouldn’t follow reasonable thoughts and perfectly understand whatever he and Daniel had. Maybe this is something that Jisung wants to have, but he’s just fucking scared out of his wits to admit it. He doesn’t want to admit that he likes the comfort of Daniel’s company, or that he’s memorized the way Daniel kisses enough to forget about the strangers he has learned, or that he likes it when Daniel’s mouth gets big when he can’t hold in a laugh anymore.

They were supposed to be friends, but they were never supposed to be fucking each other, and expecting nothing but a good time. Jisung never intended to hang out with Daniel more than he should, Daniel was never meant to bring him coffee whenever Jisung’s about to go crazy over studying for an exam. Jisung never wanted to talk to Daniel on the phone until they both fell asleep.

Jisung isn’t supposed to like Daniel, and Daniel isn’t supposed to like Jisung.

But goddamn, Jisung  _feels_ it. They make sense together. They make  _so much_ sense together, and Jisung feels too overwhelmed.

However the months pass by too quickly for Jisung to even realize, and he's busier than he'd like to be with all his classes and preparation for the future and his life and yet, somehow, has the time to fall asleep next to Daniel more than once a week.

He can't run. He doesn't want to run. So he doesn't run.

//

Daniel gets under his skin, and Jisung hates it.

No one – not even Hyunbin, and he was his best friend – got to him quite like this. Jisung, usually, after past experience, prefers to keep his friendships and his sex escapades pretty separate. There are exceptions, but his general rule is that if someone is a good friend of his, he shouldn't fuck them.

Daniel is definitely his friend. One of the closest he has, actually. But he can't bring himself not to kiss him, not to fuck him. There's no one he wants to more, really. And that kind of scares him. The idea of commitment has always scared him, and he won't admit it out loud but Yongguk was right.

The problem is that when he's with Daniel, he's not scared at all.

//

The two of them are the picture of perfect fucking domesticity when it hits Jisung, what they're doing here. When it's eleven pm and he's almost falling asleep on Daniel's shoulder _again_ , about to stay the night for the third time in a row because it'd been a long, tiring day, and Daniel made him dinner and kissed the corner of his mouth, and his shoulder, and they haven't even had sex.

He's drowsy, barely conscious of the thrum of the television in the background and Daniel typing away on his keyboard beside him, Jisung resting against his arm with his head lying on him. The realization hits him and he sits up with a jolt, heart beat bursting into a flurry of fast-paced stuttering, and it's sudden enough to startle Daniel who blinks, adjusts his glasses.

“Is everything okay, hyung?” he asks. “Did you have a nightmare or something?”

His kindness, his affection, his care, all of it unprompted and unscripted and sudden and chosen, it makes Jisung's lips ache to smile but it also makes him want to dive out of the fucking window and fall to the ground with a cloud of glass shards.

He can't deal with it.

He has a boyfriend. That's what this is. It's unspoken and unwritten but when you put the pieces together that's exactly what this is, what they are. Daniel is the only person Jisung has been with in the past, like, month and a half, and the woman behind the counter at the Japanese restaurant they'd gone to the other night had referred to them as a lovely couple, and Jisung had laughed.

“Couple, huh?” he'd said. “What, are we the next Joongki and Hyekyo? Do you think they’d cast us and give us our own drama? Are you planning to propose to me?”

And Daniel had laughed too, and they'd joked and nothing was set in stone and they didn't talk about it and perhaps they should have because now it's a Wednesday night and Jisung has class tomorrow and Daniel is studying for some test and they're not here for fucking, they're just spending the night together without even suggesting it in words. For the third night in a row, and he has a fucking boyfriend.

Jisung doesn't _do_ boyfriends.

Jisung feels everything all at once and it all aches. Daniel reaches out for his forearms and it feels like it burns, like when you subconsciously scratch the skin until it stings and you don't realize you’re doing it. Jisung’s heart is beating too quickly, he feels the panic, he feels hot from inside and out.

Jisung hasn't felt this like this in months because he's felt no distress in months. Strangely, he's felt okay. Safe. Loved. Like he had accepted Daniel as his boyfriend, someone he can commit to, finally, because he'd forgotten the fact entirely that they weren’t exclusive, that they’re just here for fucking.

But now he remembers. And God, does he feel it.

“Hyung?”

“No,” Jisung shakes his head. “I didn't I just – I have to go.”

“Now?” Daniel looks concerned. “Are you sure? It's late. You can stay-”

“No,” he says. “It's best if I go. Like. We need our own space. I can take care of myself.”

“What's happened?” Daniel asks, looking a little hurt. “Hyung-” he reaches out to touch him, but Jisung jerks away.

“Niel, don't make a big deal out of this,” Jisung snaps. “What does it matter if I don't stay the night? It's not like we're together or something.”

Daniel, at that, looks stricken.

“We aren't?” he says weakly.

“We said from the start we're not exclusive. So, why is it a problem now?”

“Yeah. Yeah, I know, I just,” Daniel won't meet his gaze, though Jisung tries hard to catch his eye. To look at him with a challenging defiance. “I thought things had changed?”

“Nothing’s changed.”

“But you stopped – you stopped being with other people. You're here all the time. It's not like before.”

Jisung shakes his head. “This is why you don’t fuck the people you’re friends with, Niel,” he mutters, and then he looks at Daniel again and finds this time Daniel is staring right at him. With this hurt look on his face, a strange look in his eyes. Disappointment, maybe. It could be bitterness.

“That's what this is, then? I was just some kid that’s available to you? You’re really fucking something. ” Daniel says, voice coming out harsher than usual.

“What else did you think it was?” Jisung means for it to be sharp, but it comes out weak, trying.

“I can’t fucking believe this...I thought you-” Daniel pauses, inhales hard. “You’re just scared to admit you care for me, hyung. You do, and in a way that I know you do.”

Jisung wants to leave, wants to bolt out of the door and hear it slamming behind him and the resonating sound will feel something like freedom.

“I..” Jisung sighs, dragging his hands down his face. “I don’t care for you. Like that. Why do you keep doing this anyway? If it was bothering you, then why didn’t you say anything? So it’s my fault, huh?”

But there's an overlay of sadness, a longing. A guilt. Jisung isn't sure what this feeling is but there's something in his chest that strains and aches and there's a sickness in his stomach, and he's never, ever felt like this before.

He makes no motion to move, frozen on his feet. He feels so torn, so confused. He wants to run far, far away, detach himself. Scrub himself clean until he can't feel Daniel on his body anymore, until his skin is red raw and stinging and he can't remember Daniel's name.

“Daniel,” Jisung says. His voice soft. He's not sure what he needs to say next.

“I just want the truth, hyung,” Daniel looks at his straight in the eyes. Jisung could swear there are tears forming and he feels like the worst person ever. ”I did it because I like you..and you’re lonely. You always put up this ‘I don’t need anyone’ front and make me feel like an idiot for believing that maybe, just maybe, you’d actually feel something for me.”

“Excuse me?”

Daniel shrugs. Jisung's got this awful feeling that the blank expression on his face and the straight line of his mouth, unfeeling, is going to collapse and fall apart the moment he's gone. Besides the flicker of hurt in his eyes, Daniel looks well put together and yet Jisung knows he's far from. And he feels like a tyrant who has torn a city apart from inside out and is just waiting for the buildings to fall into ruin, broken stone and cut glass.

“But I guess I was wrong, you don’t need anyone. Go fuck around other people, I guess. Leave, and maybe don’t ever contact me.” he says eventually. Quietly.

“But I li-” Jisung doesn't want to say it. He hates the word. Hates it. Jisung is just a puppet and fate is pulling the strings, and Jisung was so close to cutting himself down until another puppet got caught beside him and now they both fall when one doesn't want to. That doesn't seem fair.

“Save it, hyung,” Daniel cuts Jisung off so Jisung doesn't have to continue. “I’m...tired. I don’t think I can keep doing this.”

“I just need some time.”

“I don't have any left to give you.”

The human mind is naturally programmed to respond with fear towards loud noises and yet Jisung thinks that's crazy, because sometimes quiet can be the scariest sound at all.

“What are you still doing here, hyung?” Daniel asks tiredly. “You wanted to leave. I told you to leave. I want you to leave. Please just – just get out.”

Jisung wants to argue but he has nothing left to say and so, for the first time, Yoon Jisung admits defeat to a battle which he started.

He shows himself to the door.

//

It takes Jisung precisely three and a half minutes to make his way down out of Daniel's building and into the street, the sky dark and the air cold and the cars going too fast, their lights making his head spin.

It takes Jisung three and a half minutes to realize he's made the worst fucking choice of his life.

//

Jisung is not the kind of person to mope.

Usually, when something goes wrong, he's pretty quick to fix it and if he can't then he gets over it. That's always been a pretty good trait of his, how generally nothing fazes him, nothing holds him down for long. He's always ahead of his game, always one step ahead planning his movements and so nothing can get his guard down and leave him vulnerable.

When something gets to him, he doesn't let it show. He's doing a pretty shit job of that.

He misses Daniel – in the way that he never really thought he would. Jisung isn't the kind of guy who has ever really had to miss much. He doesn't miss people very often. If he misses his mom, he can call her. If he misses his old friends, he can text them, make his way home to see the people he grew up with and his family. It's not like money is much of a problem. It's not an impossible distance.

Jisung has never missed someone in a way that can't easily be satiated by a phone call, going the distance. Except for Hyunbin and, well. Jisung got over him.

But if he calls Daniel, Daniel will cut the call. He doesn't bother texting because he doesn't want a reply and he's scared to turn up at his apartment. It's bad form, surely, to turn up unexpected, uninvited, at the home of someone who kicked you out the last time you saw them. Jisung's not that desperate, not at all.

//

Jisung spends the next few weeks in a daze.

And it's weird, because he's never been like this before over anything at all, not even Hyunbin, and that's the closest Jisung has ever come to being hung up on a guy. Jisung doesn't _get_ hung up on guys. Guys get hung up on him. Jisung has never had a boyfriend before and so he's certainly never had a breakup. He hasn't liked the idea of being in a relationship in a long time but suddenly he likes the idea of not having one even less.

And that's what makes it the hardest, really; the fact that Daniel is that one person that made Jisung realize, his best friend. He didn't want it before but one day he'll want to wake up beside someone and for a little while and that person is Daniel.

Because there are some relationships that don't work out, and sometimes 'fate' (and what the fuck is that anyway, Jisung wonders, it's been mentioned in Science and in History and in Philosophy but he's never been given a straight answer) gets it wrong, but, like.

Jisung doesn't think it's wrong, this time. And there's this sick, sad, pathetic feeling that he can't quite shake off because Daniel's on the other side of town and Jisung is sleeping alone and apparently this isn't the kind of thing he can fuck away.

Jisung starts to see Daniel’s face in so many people. Their eyes crinkle like his, their smiles are half smirks, and their hair falls just so when they run their hands through it. And for a second Jisung just think, god, there he is. Daniel’s here again.

But Daniel isn’t, and he wouldn’t be. And Jisung has to make himself accept that. Jisung has to make himself be alright with it.

He's not sure how to deal with that.

//

Jisung tries to numb himself and convinces himself that this is how he will deal with it. Jisung thinks he’s forgotten how to learn how strangers kiss, how they fuck. After Daniel, that’s all Jisung remembers. He hates himself for it, he remembers their first night and thinks that maybe he should have just left it there.

So he tells himself to forget about Daniel.

_Go fuck around with other people, I guess_

So he goes out, dingy bar, not his usual scene in case he finds himself bumping into Daniel, Daniel with a guy, anyone who knows his name. Tonight, he can be a stranger, even to himself – and it's fitting because the strange feelings hanging heavy on his chest, and his heart, are feelings so unfamiliar that he feels as if he's walking around in his own skin with somebody else's soul infringing onto his, like a stranger is tainting his thoughts and burning feelings into his skin.

He's not there for the vibe anyway, not for the atmosphere, not for the interior décor or the music. Jisung just wants a fuck, someone to kiss roughly, someone to make him forget because the best place to lose yourself is in between someone else's bedsheets.

And he meets a guy: tall and dark and lean. The kind of guy he wouldn't expect to see here, with shirt sleeves pulled down and a watch around his wrist and Jisung suspects he’s seeing someone and he shouldn't be here, thinks that he's probably trying to hide from who he loves within the darkness of someone else's bedroom. But the guy doesn't ask and Jisung doesn't tell. He knows his name but he doesn't wanna say it, it feels wrong on his lips and tastes bad on his tongue. So he doesn't. And the guy doesn't notice.

He kisses wrong.

Jisung has never had a wrong way to kiss before. And if they'd met like this before, if Jisung could turn back time a few months, tip the hands upon the clock backward, he wouldn't complain at all. Because he kisses good, and hot, and rough, and he cups Jisung's face and pushes him back against the wall and Jisung can't think, but that's not a bad thing. Not usually.

But it is tonight.

And, just like his name, his lips feel wrong against Jisung's, taste wrong. And his hands are too big and his shoulders are too square and his eyes weren't the right color even if they're closed now, and Jisung can't do this, he realizes. He can't do this.

He pushes the guy off of him, and he feels wrong. Feels like he can taste dirt in the back of his throat sticking to his tongue and then his chest aches, his skin burns. It's a slow ache, not a sting. It's like his body is saying, _I'm tired, and I want him, and don't do this anymore._

_Go back to him, maybe._

Like everything here is saying, this is wrong. It isn't loud enough here for Jisung's thoughts to be drowned out, so he can't pretend that every inch of his body and every fucking thought isn't longing for Daniel, for every part of him. The lights aren't dark enough for Jisung to pretend even for a minute that he's kissing the boy he wants to kiss, and the man, the stranger, he looks at Jisung with confusion.

And Daniel has never looked at him like this. But he has looked at him in different ways: from his eyes crinkled and his lips curved up in a smile and his teeth showing and his head back in laughter, to the look of anger and hurt and sadness when he'd kicked Jisung out and slammed the door and the city had been so loud and yet everything was white noise.

“What's wrong?” the guy asks.

Jisung shakes his head. “Nothing, I just-” Jisung kisses the man hard. He has to forget Daniel. He needs to.

Next thing he knows is that he’s being pushed to his knees, inside a dimly lit cubicle, a stranger’s cock forced into his mouth. His cock is too big to take and Jisung gags, but he doesn’t care. The stranger thrusts in his pretty lips, in and out until Jisung has tears in his eyes. He takes it, he does his job. It was rough and Jisung felt like he deserved it.

Sometimes Jisung would find himself being fucked in the backseat of a car, memorized movements in such a cramped space. He doesn’t remember his name, and yet he lets him kiss him, all teeth and tongue. Jisung stiffly reciprocates, and he basks in the rush of everything. This is what he is used to, and he lets himself drown in this pleasure. Of being wanted, of some nameless face not being able to take his hands off Jisung. He comes, and he feels like he’s accomplished something, that he’s slowly forgetting someone. Jisung convinces himself that he isn’t lonely as before.

Jisung’s on his hands and knees on someone’s bed, his hair being pulled harshly till the long column of his neck is stretched painfully. He’s being fucked hard, fast, and aggressive, and god- it hurts, but Jisung lets it happen.

He does this for weeks, every time he goes out he ends up kissing someone new. But none of them make him chase his orgasm the way Daniel does, none of them leave him gasping, warm, and sated enough to fall asleep comfortably for the rest of the night. He still remembers Daniel. He can’t forget. He collects his clothes and leaves before the nameless face wakes up.

The cost of getting home would be cheaper back to Daniel's than it is all the way across town to his own apartment. He considers this in the back of a cab and he thinks, dazedly, tiredly, that it's a sign.

And then he hates himself for it, a little bit.

-

Jisung and Minhyun have a weird kind of friendship.

Like, they're friends. Now. Jisung's not entirely sure how that happened because at the start of Seokhoon's class, Minhyun had been Jisung's only competitor and so they'd been rivals in a sort of Ash-Ketchum-Gary-Oak style. They'd done a pretty spectacular job of acting like eight-year-olds, and then the semi-hatred had faded out into a strange sort of friendship where they insult each other constantly.

And yet, Minhyun always has his back.

He isn't the person he'd usually go to whine about his boy problems, mainly because boy problems are a bit of a weird area for them, since he's dating the guy he thought he was in love with for a little while. It comes up a few times, him and Hyunbin, when there's been trouble in paradise or whatever.

Jisung can't help but think that Hyunbin, even his memory, doesn't matter to him one little bit anymore.

So: it's an accident that it's Minhyun that he ends up on when they go out with the others on Friday night. Jisung hasn't got stupid-drunk since he was eighteen and he's certainly never turned out to be an emotional wreck on someone's shoulder, but. In the morning, he wishes there were gaps in his memory so he could forget ever having Minhyun help pull him into a cab with him, the taxi driver making lewd comments, under some twisted impression that the two of them were actually going to hook up. Like, yeah, not bloody likely.

Jisung is not one to talk about his boy problems with anyone, let alone Minhyun – he's not one to have boy problems at all, in general, ever. So when he wakes up with a glass of water, two painkillers on his bedside table and Minhyun sat at his kitchen table writing an essay, he's sort of torn between digging himself a hole far, far under ground, or just bursting into flames. Unfortunately, on the fifth floor of his apartment building where he is most certainly not flammable or at risk of spontaneous combustion, neither seem likely.

“Sit down, hyung,” Minhyun says. “We're gonna talk about this, because if I'm going to beat you in all of our exams, I want you to be on your game so it's a fair contest.”

Jisung blinks. He's hungover as fuck. Minhyun is using too many syllables for this early in the morning.

“Uh.”

“You heard me,” Minhyun says. “You've been acting dead inside for the past month and apparently, I can't ignore it anymore. So we're going to fix this, so you stop acting pathetic, and I can stop breaking the rivalry to be a supportive friend. Sound good?”

“I – yeah. Okay. Whatever, sure,” Jisung mutters. He slumps down into the breakfast chair. If he's going to get a therapy session, at least he doesn't have to pay for it.

//

Minhyun deduces that Jisung is a mess, and that his commitment phobia has finally come back to bite him in the ass, and he's been waiting for this day for weeks.

He is nice, though. He makes him coffee.

“Told you so, your casual bullshit has finally come to bite you in the ass, hard.” Minhyun says as a matter of factly. “Like, you know. You might both be better off with other people.”

“Casual bullshit is kind of a freak, don’t you think?” Jisung sarcastically banters. “Like, I know my ass is nice. Is this some weird way of you saying my ass is nice?”

Minhyun couldn’t help laughing, at least the Jisung he knew and fake-hated is back, even for a little while.

“You’re impossible, hyung. I can’t believe Daniel’s been having that crush on you. I can’t imagine being into some narcissistic prick.”

“It’s my brand, and I don’t blame you for being _so_ jealous of my unsurmountable good looks.” Jisung pretends to flip his non-existent long hair and it gets the mood lighter, Jisung gets a few minutes of comfort to not talk about Daniel.

“But Hyunbin chose to date who again?” Minhyun reminds him and Jisung immediately admits defeat.

“Maybe you need to move on,” Minhyun suggests hesitantly. “Like, you know. You might both be better off with other people.”

“He's my best friend, our friend,” Jisung reminds him. “Like, I can’t avoid him.”

“Doesn't always work out though, does it?” Minhyun says, rolling his eyes.

“Yeah, well,” Jisung mutters. “Maybe I want to end up with my best friend.”

“Do something about it then?”

Jisung just shrugs, noncommittally. Because he's stubborn and he doesn't want to talk to Daniel. Because he's still scared of commitment. Because he still hates the idea of relationships and what-the-fuck-ever-fate.

“Oh my God, I remember why I hate you now,” Minhyun says – although he totally doesn't hate Jisung. “You're so stubborn.”

“You're exactly the same.”

“You realize this isn't going to work in your favor, right? If you don't talk to him, nothing is going to change.”

Jisung is tired of talking about it.

“I'll just have to get over it then,” he says. As if that's any kind of option at all.

He hopes it is.

//

Jisung knows he can’t avoid Daniel forever. It was one of those few parties where he was invited and he catches the glimpse of Daniel from the corner of his eyes. He tells himself that maybe, he should walk up to Daniel, and try to talk about whatever happened in between them, but another part tells him that he shouldn’t, that this is his escape route. Daniel is finally out of his life, and he doesn’t have to get him back.

Daniel is comfortable with someone, sharing whispers, and giggling about something. Jisung feels like he doesn’t have the right to feel bitter, because they were never together in the first place. Daniel places his hands firmly on the girl’s hips and looks like he is kissing down her neck and Jisung has to look away.

Jisung likes to think that he’s been adjusting to life without Daniel just fine. As in denial as he is, he does miss Daniel.

Jisung remembers all the good times, and then he remembers how he royally fucked up and he ends up feeling nothing but confused.

Daniel walks past him and disappears with the girl, and that reminds Jisung that he should be getting over it.

//

Jisung would like to think that Minhyun is wrong about a lot of things. That's debatable, he supposes, if they're on the subject of something else, like Philosophy or long division.

But he isn't wrong about this, and Jisung hates it.

He doesn't text, or call, or show up at Daniel's apartment laden with flowers and take out and apologies.

He doesn't do anything at all.

//

Jisung is on his way back to his apartment, grocery bags weighing down his arms when he stops in his tracks at the sight of a familiar figure, broad and tall with glasses that Jisung's worn over his own eyes in experimentation once or twice framing his face, leaned against the wall by the door.

Jisung drops both grocery bags down to his feet. He spares a moment to think, shit, hope the eggs didn’t crack. And then he wonders why the fuck he is thinking about eggs when Daniel, is standing outside of his apartment when Jisung hasn't talked to him in two months.

Two months. Two months since Jisung almost, maybe, broke his heart. And it had been unintentional but he'd hurt his own more anyway.

At least the noise, the plastic bags brushing together and the thump against the floor, gets Daniel's attention so that Jisung doesn't have to speak to him first, or cough awkwardly. Or have a repeat of the first time they'd ever met when they'd bumped into each other in the middle of the street – Jisung wonders if he and Daniel's entire relationship is not just a series of clichés and mistakes (mostly on his part.)

“Jisung,” Daniel says. “Hey. I. Um.”

“Hey,” Jisung says. He's always been smoother than Daniel has. Less prone to stuttering and stammering and not knowing what to say. He wonders if he sounds that way now, like he's fine, like everything is under his control, or if Daniel can see the cracks in that façade and knows Jisung doesn't have a fucking clue what they're doing here. What he's doing here.

“I just. It's been a while.”

“Yeah,” Jisung says. He coughs. “You, uh, you told me not to call you or anything.”

“That doesn't mean I didn't think you would.”

Jisung raises an eyebrow. “So what did you want me to do?”

“I don't know,” Daniel says. “I meant it, I did, yeah. But that doesn't mean I don't kind of wish you did.”

“I wanted to, but...”

“But you're Jisung, and you don't do big gestures or apologies, right?”

“Daniel-”

“And you don't do boyfriends.”

“Not generally,” Jisung says.

Daniel looks uncomfortable. “I feel like I shouldn't have come here.”

“No, you should have. Don't – don't go, shit. Look. I don't generally but with you, and with us – that wasn't just, like, fucking or something. That was – we were together. We were. Even though I didn't really get it at the time. I get it now, and I know we were.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. So no, I don't generally do boyfriends, but I did with you. Because you were my boyfriend.”

Daniel pauses for a moment and Jisung hates the way that he wants to rush forward and kiss him, push him up against the wall and kiss him, hard and rough and desperate, so that he can say 'I miss you' and 'I'm sorry' and 'I really love you' without saying any words at all. And then he wants to kiss him softly, and lovingly, so that even if he's still scared to say the words he can press them up against Daniel's lips anyway.

And then he wants to kiss his hair, and he wants to kiss his cheek, and he wants to kiss his shoulder, just because he can, just to get closer to him.

(Jisung doesn't realize he's thought those words until seconds later when it hits him. And he's fucking terrified. And he can't run. And he doesn't want to run. So he doesn't run.)

Maybe he's in love with Daniel, and maybe he's picked the worst time in the world to realize it, and maybe his heart is racing, and his palms are sweating and he's scared to fucking death, but he loves him. So he can make it work. Maybe. Some things are worth being scared for, maybe.

“Can I come inside?” Daniel asks – pulls Jisung out of this strange realization. That he's in love. That he's terrified. That they might both be the same thing.

He nods, wordlessly. And he reaches out both hands to pick up the grocery bags and carries them inside and Daniel looks around. They'd only spent a few nights here, Jisung much preferring the homely feeling of Daniel's place to his own, but just his presence here makes it feel warmer, more his own, somehow.

Jisung doesn't know how to do this.

“Why are you here?” he asks.

“Minhyun came to see me,” Daniel admits. “Your friend?”

“You're joking, right? Tell me you're joking.”

“No, he did. He was worried about you. He said you were having some kind of breakdown and not acting like yourself. And that you were like, a mess and stuff.”

“I'm going to kill him,” Jisung says. Jisung is not a mess. Even when he's fucked up and he kind of wants to punch himself in the face, he's still 80% more put together than Yongguk or Jaehwan. Probably.

“I think he was just concerned about you,” Daniel says. Jisung snorts.

“Yeah, sure,” he says. He pauses. “What else did he say?”

“That you missed me, and you were sorry. But you were too stubborn to do anything about it.”

“Hey, you didn't wanna see me,” Jisung protests. “I thought you like, hated me. I'm not gonna turn up at your door looking desperate after that.”

“I never hated you,” Daniel shakes his head. “I just couldn't do it anymore, you know. I was just pissed and sick of seeing you sleep in other people's beds and then come back with dinner the next day as if nothing had happened.”

“I told you I didn't want to settle down,” Jisung says. “You said you'd wait.”

“You can't expect me to wait forever, hyung.”

Jisung closes his eyes, briefly, just for a second. “Yeah,” he says. “I guess you're right.”

Neither of them says anything for a few moments. When Jisung looks up again at Daniel, he sees him avoiding his gaze, fidgeting with his sleeves, and they're saying all of these things and making these confessions, but they're still going nowhere.

“I'm really sorry,” he says. “I, uh. I fucked up. And I fucked you over. I've never done this before, like, a break-up, or a relationship, or an apology. But you deserved a lot better, and I'm so sorry, Niel.”

“I miss you,” Daniel says. “I don't want to keep doing this but I don't want it like it was before. You can't, like – do that again. It's not fair.”

“I know,” Jisung says. “I know, it's okay.”

Daniel looks doubtful. “But you don't want to, do you?”

“I'm, well, I'm fucking scared,” Jisung admits. “I've never done this before. I didn't think I wanted it and I'm not always sure but – I want to try, if you'll let me. I mean, you're my boyfriend, right?”

“Right,” Daniel agrees, slowly. “Are you – you're serious?”

“I'm serious,” Jisung nods. “I'm so bad at relationships but it's not hard with you.”

“But you don't like commitment-”

“I know,” Jisung interrupts. “But I love you. So.”

It doesn't seem like the best time to say it, standing in Jisung's hall way, still stood too far apart, not sure how to bridge the distance, not sure what's acceptable or not, re-learning the way they're supposed to interact with each other.

But Daniel's eyes widen, and his mouth opens slightly, and then closes again without any words coming out.

“You do?” he says finally, after a moment has passed. Jisung nods, reaching up to rub his neck awkwardly, unsurely.

“Um,” he says. “Sorry if I wasn't supposed to tell you? I've never told anyone I love them before.”

“You haven't?”

“Well, I've never been in love with someone before.”

Daniel still looks almost comically shocked – Jisung would probably make fun of him in any other situation – and then he shakes his head, and mutters, “fuck it.”

Jisung has time to be confused for exactly three seconds before Daniel leans forward and kisses him, cupping his cheeks in his hands and pressing his lips against Jisung's hard.

Jisung moves backwards slightly, a few steps, taken by surprise and then the world seems to come back into focus, and he returns the favor, moving closer, into Daniel and kissing him back, finally. It's been too long since Jisung has kissed him, and it's been too long since anyone has kissed Jisung like this, and Jisung remembers the first time, learning how he kissed. He still hasn't forgotten.

“Fuck,” Jisung mumbles in between kisses. “I missed you so much.”

“I missed you too,” Daniel kisses him again, and pulls away, and looks at him. His expression softens, and he looks unsure. “I love you, too. I forgot to say that.”

“You do?”

“Of course I do, how could you not get that?”

“It wasn't very obvious, I guess.”

“Yeah, I could say the same to you,” he grins, and Jisung feels his chest tighten and he wonders why he's wasted two months not doing this.

He remembers the slight tugging sensation, the gravitation towards Daniel, that made him want to stay.

It's stronger now and Jisung can't imagine leaving again, not even if he wanted to.

//

It's difficult, at first. Picking up where they left off, re-establishing the way their relationship works.

It's hard for Jisung to get used to it, having a boyfriend. He's had one before, he knows that now, but he hadn't had to accept it. He'd never accepted it.

But it's nice, too. The feeling of security. There's always someone to text when he's bored at a study group, someone to bitch about everyone in his class too. Jisung had always dreaded the thought of waking up beside the same person every day but he thinks actually, maybe, he could get used to seeing Daniel every day.

With Daniel, Jisung is discovering that maybe love isn't about erratic heart beats and flushed cheeks. Perhaps it's about finding someone who convinces you that no, you won't die if you flunk your calculus final. Maybe love is when he can help you find yourself when you're irrevocably lost on life's incomprehensibly vast map.

Jisung learns that love is about feeling warm and complete, a drizzle of rain to help you grow. Love is something beautiful and long-lasting and perfectly made yet complication-prone.

It's not without struggles and sometimes Jisung wants to pack his bags and leave. And sometimes they fight and sometimes Jisung feels suffocated for no reason, so he goes out and drives. Daniel lets him go, and Jisung remembers that a relationship, it's not a jail sentence, and fate strings aren't iron bars. He's here because he wants to be.

And he never wants to leave.

And it's scary in the same way as the dark: sleeping without the light on is hard at first, but it's better with someone by your side.

 

**Author's Note:**

> wow thank u if u finished this ur a real champ omg i really appreciate it if u made it to the end of this entire cluster fuck of a fic 
> 
> i also have not written in 4 yrs dont be mean 2 me
> 
> fic title is from the 1975's somebody else which is. basically the entire fic (lol listen 2 the song it's.....rly good....also verite's cover....good shit)
> 
> to all my dansung/nyelsung friends in twt (alina, yams, san, ed!!!) and also my wn1 mutuals ur all so so good n gr8! aaaaaa ily thank u so much this wouldn't happen if i had no one 2 discuss nyelsung about 
> 
> omg comments would be very nice i would love to hear what you think if ever u have some thoughts!
> 
> thank u again!
> 
> if u wanna scream @ me directly!! > twt/cc: @hemcheng hehe


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